When I left
by calaris
Summary: muraki became a shinigami and tsuzuki liked him...poor hisoka-chan..tsuzuki realizes his stupidity....is it too late?...3rd chapter a little bit revised bec some people misunderstood it...gomen for my bad grammar
1. Default Chapter

Tears fell down his cheeks as Tsuzuki held Hisoka's hand. "It was all my fault, if only I didn't leave him.."  
  
Tsuzuki was standing under the Sakura tree watching as the blossoms fell, dancing gently with the night breeze. He always liked the feel of as he closed his eyes, letting the wind brush his face. "Hey, Tsuzuki!" Opening his eyes, he saw Hisoka waving at him, with a small smile on his face. Tsuzuki smiled upon seeing his partner. "I was looking all over for you. I should've figured that you would be here." Hisoka said, as he stood beside him and looked up at the stars. Tsuzuki glanced at him and admired how the stars glimmer in his emerald eyes. That's what he like most about Hisoka, his eyes filled with innocence but with depth so endless. It's like staring at the most precious gem. Hisoka noticed his staring "What?" "Nothing, I just thought how much fun we will have tonight at the festival. I just wish you are wearing a kimono today." Hisoka blushed and looked away, "Baka." he muttered. Tsuzuki just smiled at his partner's reaction. "Come on now! I want to try all the sweets!" he said, as he ran pulling Hisoka with him. Hisoka rolled his eyes for Tsuzuki's bottomless stomach for sweets, but a smile went across his face.  
  
"You want?" Tsuzuki asked offering a big bag of candies he carried. He looked like a kid from a Halloween trick or treat with rabbit-shaped balloon tied around his back. Hisoka just sighed and shook his head. He just wants to go home and rest. For three hours, Tsuzuki visited all the sweet shop with Hisoka watching him drool over his favorites. Then they watched the fireworks display, Tsuzuki cheering while Hisoka watched him, admiring how Tsuzuki admires simple things. Probably, that's why he has a good view on his life (or should I say "life of the dead"). Hisoka always hated how his life ended" but it is probably better this way," he thought. For sixteen years, he suffered under his parents' anger against him, their hatred. They never considered him as their son, but a monster that lives at the basement. Here, someone loves him for what he is. And he just wish Tsuzuki would always be there beside him.  
  
"Ohayou, Hisoka!" Tsuzuki greeted him as he entered their office. Hisoka smiled tiredly as he sat on the desk rubbing his temples. His soft, blond hair was mussed but he didn't care. All he can think of is the stupid headache making his world spin. "You alright?" Tsuzuki asked his eyes filled with concern. "Yeah, I just didn't sleep well last night." He replied closing his eyes, again massaging his temples. "Maybe you should rest for a while. I'll get you some tea." "Thanks, that would be great." Hisoka smiled as Tsuzuki hurried away. Hisoka rested his head on the table thinking about his dream last night. He dreamt that he was standing in a dark room, watching as Tsuzuki walk away towards the light. He ran after him but an invisible barrier stopped him. He shouted after him telling him he wanted to come to that happy place but Tsuzuki turned around. He was smiling, "I love him and I want to be with him." Then he turned back and reached for Muraki's hand. They vanished inside the white light while Hisoka was lost in the darkness. Hisoka wasn't able to sleep after that.  
  
Tsuzuki and Hisoka walked along the corridor silently, as Tsuzuki glanced worriedly at him. Hisoka just stared at the floor as they approached Tatsumi's office. Tatsumi called a meeting saying that it was very urgent. As they entered, they both gasped when they saw they person standing beside Tatsumi. "Muraki" Hisoka said gritting his teeth. He glanced at Tsuzuki who was standing his face showing no reaction. "What the hell is he doing in here!"? Hisoka demanded. "He is a new Shinigami," was all Tatsumi could say. "What! But why?! Why him!" he asked angrily pointing at Muraki who looking quite amused. Tatsumi could only but shrug his shoulders, "Enma chose him after he died. Muraki was able to explain his reasons why he was doing all those things. He said he has a goal he had sworn upon. Besides, he has great abilities." Hisoka could only shake his trying to think what happened to the reasonable Enma. He spun around wanting to get away from the man who made him suffer for three years. But Tatsumi caught his hand, "What?" Hisoka asked annoyed from what is happening. " We got an order that you would be training another new Shinigami, Eiji" Tatsumi said gesturing at the boy who was standing beside Muraki. "What about Tsuzuki?" he asked as he glared at Muraki. "He will be with Muraki." Tatsumi said his voice in monotone and his bowed down. Hisoka just stared at him trying not to believe at what he just said. He glanced at Tsuzuki expecting him to get mad but he didn't. He continued to stare at Muraki his face expressionless. But then, Muraki suddenly approached Hisoka staring at his eyes. "Look, I know that you hate me and I'm sorry for all that I did. I just hated my life the way you did." "What do you know about my life? And besides you were the one who caused me to hate my life. How dare talk like this after all you did to Tsuzuki! That sorry of yours is not enough for what you did!" Hisoka turned around slamming the door from behind him. He leaned against the wall trying to think that this was all dream. Tsuzuki went after him and placed a hand on his shoulder. But Hisoka just don't want to be with him today. It will hurt if he saw Muraki with him and he thought he better start distancing from him. "I'd better meet this Eiji. Ja ne" he said walking away.  
  
"So how many years you've been here?" Eiji asked cheerfully trying to start up a conversation as they sat at his office but Hisoka was not in the mood. All he could think about is what is happening with Tsuzuki and Muraki right now. "Okay. I think it should be better for me to shut up and leave." Eiji said as he left the room. Then Tsuzuki entered his eyes filled with laughter but he stopped when he saw Hisoka. "So how was your day with Muraki?" Hisoka asked trying to be casual. "Hisoka you wouldn't believe what we did. After we did a brief discussion about our job he treated me for sweets. Then we played at the arcade. It was really fun considering I've never thought that he was that nice." "Really" Hisoka said summoning a strained smile while his heart broke. He to admit that he was jealous at Muraki for making Tsuzuki happy. Tsuzuki continued to tell him what happened, Hisoka trying to listen to the words that pierced him. For days, Tsuzuki and Muraki went out together while Hisoka suffered silently. He tried to teach Eiji with kendo and kyudo and explaining him all the things he needed to know. But his mind often wondered starting to think that Tsuzuki is starting to like Muraki.  
  
One day, Hisoka sat alone reading a book in his apartment. Suddenly the doorbell rang, he got up and opened the door. "Hisoka-chan!" Tsuzuki greeted giving him a bear hug. Hisoka just stood there without returning his hug. "Why are you here?" he asked coldly. Tsuzuki smile faded slightly. "Nothing, I just wanted to visit you." He said widening his smile. "Just go away, I'm too busy. Just go with that Muraki." "W-what are you saying?" Tsuzuki asked suddenly looking uncomfortable. Hisoka noticed this that he faced Tsuzuki eye-to-eye. "Tell me, are you starting to like Muraki?" he asked. Tsuzuki could only stare at the ground shifting uncomfortably. "Tell me!" Hisoka demanded. "Yes.." Tsuzuki said in a whisper. Hisoka's eyes widened staring at Tsuzuki. "No.it can't be. B-but" he stammered, tears slowly falling down. His heart was torn apart as if it can never be healed. He felt a cold gap between them, separating them. Hisoka ran away, unable to bear the pain. "Hisoka!" 


	2. Tears of a Friend

One year later. "Tsuzuki?" Tatsumi called, peeking from the door of Tsuzuki's office. He and Muraki were researching about their assignment when Tatsumi came. "Ah, Tatsumi! Do you need something?" he asked as Muraki smiled at Tatsumi. "I need to talk to you." Tatsumi answered. His face was unreadable and Tsuzuki wondered what its all about. He rose and excused himself to Muraki. "What is it? Is something wrong?" he asked. "It's about Hisoka. He's been absent for three weeks now and Eiji is getting worried. Do you know what is happening to him?" Tatsumi inquired. Reality slapped Tsuzuki realizing that he has not seen Hisoka for a long time even for the fact they are in the same division. "I-I really don't know. I haven't seen him for a while." He answered feeling guilty. "We tried calling him but we always get his answering machine." Tatsumi added. "I'll try visiting him later." Tsuzuki promised. "Okay. So any news lately about these killings?" Tatsumi asked, changing the subject. "No, there is lack of evidence because the criminal only leaves a white- colored scarf that can be bought anywhere. But what is bugging me is the message written on it. It says Come to me." Tsuzuki reported. "Do you think it's a message to Shinigamis?" Tatsumi asked. "I don't know. It may be a message to someone else. Anyway, Muraki and I will be going to the place where the murder always happens." Tsuzuki answered then he bid good-bye. As he walked down the corridor he wondered what's with Hisoka. He got worried thinking that he is still the cause of what's happening to him. After he told Hisoka the truth, Hisoka became distant with him. He seldom sees him and Hisoka don't even greet him when their paths cross. "Tsuzuki, what did Tatsumi say?" Muarki asked Tsuzuki entered the their office. "It was about Hisoka. He told me that he was not going to work for two weeks now. Anyway, have you got anything there?' he asked approaching the what Muraki was doing. "Oh nothing" Muraki said hurrying to save his work and turned off the computer. "Nothing important." Muraki said smiling. "Just a research of mine for Watari's experiment. I've been helping him develop a medicine." Tsuzuki noticed that his eyes was not meeting him but he pushed that suspicion away. "Anyway, we'd better get to that crime scene. We might get some clues to who's behind this." He suggested. "Okay, I'll just save my work."  
  
"Brr.It's getting cold." Tsuzuki said. "And creepy." he added surveying the place. The alleyway where they were in was dark and the silver moon which slightly illuminates the place that makes it spooky. "Hey, Muraki. I was thinking about Hisoka. Maybe we should be visit him tomorrow. You know, to apologize because I never got the chance." "Y-yeah. That's a good idea but I'm sorry I could not come. Watari and I will have a discussion about the medicine I metioned earlier." "Oh. That's okay. But maybe." Tsuzuki's words were cut when they heard a rustle and saw the shadow. "Come on." Tsuzuki gestured but he noticed Muraki was not moving and looks suddenly pale. "Maybe we should just wait for him to come out." He suggested lamely. "And wait for that monster to kill someone else? Come on!" Tsuzuki repeated pulling Muraki who was hesitating. The two tried to follow the footsteps until they saw him enter an old warehouse. They slowly entered the dusty building but a bright light blinded them. They saw a sillohouette of man holding a katana. Then he stepped out from the light revealing who he is. "Oriya." Tsuzuki said surprised. Meanwhile Muraki's face was filled with disgust and hatred. "You! How could you? I thought we made a pact that there will be no more murders. How dare you! You should be punished." Oriya did not say something and it puzzled Tsuzuki when he saw that his eyes was full of sadness. And something else.love? "This is weird. His eyes should be murderous and full of anger. What is his real intention?" Tsuzuki thought. But before he could tell this to Muraki, he pulled out a penknife. "People like you don't deserve to live." He said murderously. He lunged forward but Oriya just stood there not defending himself but just smiling sadly. Tsuzuki covered his eyes unable to bear seeing Oriya dying. He heard Muraki's knife dig into Oriya and a thud. When he uncovered his eyes he saw a pitieous scene. Oriya was crying but smiling at the same time. "M..muraki.." he gasped as blood poured out of his mouth. "I had.finished.my.mission.I'm.I'm so sorry.Please.hold me..one.last.time." he pleaded painfully reaching out his hand to Muraki. But Muraki just stood there, his face expressionless. "Please.Muraki.please." Oriya said his voice filled with desperation but still Muraki remained motionless. Oriya tried to reach further but death at last reached him. His arm went limp and as his head tilted, one last tear slid down. Tsuzuki felt pity and tears filled his eyas. He knew that Oriya have a good part in his heart because he had given Hisoka a chnace to save him. He glanced Muraki expecting some kind of sadness showing since the two knew each other well. But agin, Muraki was expresionless and was not even looking at Oriya's body. He just walked away his hands inside of his pocket. Tsuzuki ran after him "Muraki! Are you just going to leave his body behind? We should bury him at least." "No. He doesn't deserve it. He killed all those people, he disrespected him." Muraki said his voice in monotone. Tsuzuki got a little angry, "Hey! Everyone still deserves to be buried." He said angrily, his voice suddenly rising. That stopped Muraki from walking. He turned at Tsuzuki shaking his head, "Maybe he does. But what about justice to those he killed. Don't they deserve that? This is my way to avenge their deaths." Tsuzuki got angrier, "Why, did you not receive a proper burial when you died? Even you too killed many people. You were buried, Muraki! And you know that Oriya did that because he loved you! He never thought of what you did!" Muraki was taken aback by his words and Tsuzuki realizing what he just said felt guilty. "G-Gomen, Muraki. I didn't mean to." He stuttered but Muraki was again shaking his head. "No! You're trying to say that I too don't deserve to be respected." Tsuzuki tried to touch him but he stepped out of reach. "So that's what you really think of me!" Muraki shouted. He turned to leave with Tsuzuki unable to say anything.  
  
Tsuzuki hesitantly entered the office the next day feeling nervous. He wasn't able to sleep well last night because he was practicng his apology speech. He was very nervous that he ate one whole apple pie, a gallon of ice cream, a box of truffles, one pack of chocolate fudge and two packs of soda. He peeked from the office and saw Muraki sitting with his back facing him. "Muraki?" he called softly his palms getting sweaty. Muraki turned from him having another yet unreadable face. He didn't say anything so Tsuzuki contined. "I-I just want to say.I'm.I'm." "What?" Muraki asked irritated. "I-I.I'm sorry!" he blurted out. Muraki just raised his eyebrows as if asking for an explanation. "I understand that you're trying to get away from your past and Oriya made it hard for you. Sorry for the way I reacted." Tsuzuki said as he bowed his head. There was a few minutes silence the Muraki answered. "That's okay. I know that deep inside that you still remember the crimes I did. And that's okay to me. Just forgive and its okay if you don't forget, ne?" Muraki said as smile dawned his face. "Thank Muraki-san!" Tsuzuki said turning into teary-eyed puppy mode with his tail wagging behind. "Come let's get some sweets and Meifu." Muraki said opening the door. Tsuzuki immediately jumped at the chance as he trotted past Muraki still in puppy mode. Muraki just smiled.  
  
Hisoka was lying down his bed staring at the ceiling. His face was stoic but tears was streaming down his cheeks. He had been this way for the last 24 hours. He have not eaten anything and he was losing weight but he don't care. All he could think of is Tsuzuki. He had lost the will to go on with his life. Anyway he didn't have life because it had left him and it was Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki who gave him a new hope to live after all of those years he was shunned away from the colors of life. It was Tsuzuki that gave him love he never had. It was Tsuzuki who made all his pains and sufferings less painful. And it was Tsuzuki who returned him into the darkness that always brought him fear. Now, he was again blind unable to start to struggle to see the light again. He had just hid from the world just as his parents did to him and now Tsuzuki. He thought Tsuzuki had given him a new perception to himself, that he was a person that is important. But no, he was still that useless and helpless monster that is hated by everyone. Loneliness filled his heart. He is alone again. "It's cold." he said as he cried harder because no one will ever again hold him making him feel as if he is the most precious thing in the world. He curled up on his bed rocking himself, his beyond unbearable.  
  
To all the readers.I'm so sorry if my chapters are so short because I just want you all to be in a suspense!.muwahahahaha! *evil laugh* Anyway just keep in touch. Give suggestions if you want. Thank you! 


	3. Guiltiness of the Heart

Muraki asked Tatsumi if he could go to Meifu to see if the killings have stopped. Tatsumi was a bit hesitant to allow him without Tsuzuki accompanying him but Muraki assured him. At last Tatsumi agreed and before he left, he reminded him to take care. Muraki just smiled.  
  
Muraki walked down the street, not stopping to look on the shop displays or interview people. He just walked until he reached the alleyway where Tsuzuki and he went to before. The alleyway was damp and filled with garbage cans but this does not seem to bother Muraki. He just stopped when he saw a cat hissing at him as if he knows what his plan is. He stared at the glowing eyes, still smiling. Suddenly, Muraki's pupils contracted and the cat burst. Blood splattered everywhere, staining Muraki's white coat, but he did not mind it. He continued walking until he reached the old warehouse where they found Oriya. He entered the dark building and opened a trapdoor hidden beneath empty wooden boxes. He jumped to the hole below and when he landed, candles suddenly lit the place. Muraki smiled at the picture of Tsuzuki hanging on a wall. "So beautiful." He admired tracing the lines of Tsuzuki's face. "Soon. Very soon. You would be mine." Muraki's face changes back into a psycho doctor, as he looked around the room where glass jars surrounded the place. There was also an altar with black candles. A large pentacle was drawn on the ground. "And all I need is your little friend and we'll be together forever." He laughed madly as the candles illuminated the hearts inside the jars, which Oriya took from all those people whom he murdered.  
  
Eiji knocked on the door of Hisoka's apartment but no one answered. He was supposed to visit Hisoka because he was getting worried about him. He peeked in on the window but all he saw was darkness. The living room was deserted and it looks like it was not used for days. He again knocked but still, no one answered. "Eiji?" a voice spoke out. He turned and saw Tsuzuki standing in front of him. 'What are you doing here?" Tsuzuki asked. "I-ah.I was going to visit Hisoka" he held up the basket of food he had brought. "But no one is answering the door." Tsuzuki peeked into the window and tried calling out Hisoka but silence answered him. He tried to open the door but it was locked. "I'm getting worried about Hisoka." Tsuzuki said as he turned to Eiji who too was looking anxious. "I think we should break in," he suggested. "Do you really think we should?" Eiji asked doubtfully. "Yeah. I want to know what's happening to him. I can't leave him this way." Tsuzuki replied. Eiji hesitated for a while but nodded his head in agreement. Tsuzuki backed up a little and kicked the door. The door came out cleanly almost without a sound. The two entered and opened the lights. The apartment looked clean and even the kitchen looked like it wasn't used. When they entered Hisoka's room, the curtains were closed and it was so dark. Tsuzuki groped for the switch and when he turned it on, a sight broke Tsuzuki's heart. Hisoka was lying on the floor shaking, his emerald eyes dull and lifeless. Tears were streaming down his face, blood mingled with it. He was curled up, his fist closed up tightly. He looked pale and thinner than before "Hisoka!" Tsuzuki hurriedly approached the pitiful figure. He shook him softly but Hisoka did not respond. Eiji ran beside him touching his forehead. "This is bad. He's hot and I think was having this fever for days now. I think we should have Watari check on him. I hope we're not too late." Eiji said, his eyes filling up with tears. "Fetch Watari immediately and tell him what happened." Tsuzuki ordered his voice unusually serious. Eiji scrambled up and hurried out of the room. Tsuzuki carried Hisoka limp figure and placed him on his bed. He tucked the blankets around him but he kept shivering. Tsuzuki don't know what to do, he felt like crying. He was the reason for making Hisoka like this. He had left him when he was needed most. He held his surprisingly cold hands and tried to warm them. Tears slid down his face, "Hisoka, I'm so sorry," he whispered. "Tsu.tsu.zu.ki" Hisoka called out as if gasping for breath. "I'm here Hisoka. I'm never gonna leave you." Tsuzuki said gently, holding on his hands more tightly trying to hide his fear. "S-so.cold." Hisoka gasped. Tsuzuki sat beside him and embraced his shaking body. He was hot. Tsuzuki held on him trying to subside the chills. They stayed that way until Hisoka fell asleep his breath laboring.  
  
Watari reached the apartment seeing Tsuzuki asleep, hugging Hisoka. He gently tapped Tsuzuki's shoulders. Amethyst eyes slowly revealed as Tsuzuki blinked a few times. "Watari." he said in a raspy voice. "You need to go home and rest. Eiji told me what happened. I will be the one to look after him." Watari suggested as Tsuzuki rose from Hisoka and anxiously checked on him. "No. I want to be with him. It's all my fault that he's sick" Tsuzuki said, his eyes filled with grief. Watari felt pity and smiled for his friend's concern towards Hisoka "OK but I need to check on him. I think you should need some coffee. I brought some mocha for you." He said trying to cheer him up. Tsuzuki smiled faintly as he headed for the kitchen. When he entered the kitchen, he saw Eiji sitting beside the coffee table his legs bouncing up and down nervously. "Tsuzuki! How is he?" he asked his eyes wide. "I don't know yet. Watari is checking on him. But I know him; he will do anything to save Hisoka" he replied assuring himself more than assuring the boy. He sat on a chair rubbing his eyes as Eiji poured him some mocha. He sat down with him, and Eiji kept glancing at him. "Tsuzuki. I think I should tell you about him. How he was acting these past three weeks." Tsuzuki was halfway to drinking his tea when he paused. He just looked at Eiji questioningly. "I know that Hisoka was keeping something from me. He has been quieter these past days and everyday, he looks tired. I wanted to ask him what's wrong but I was scared. Then he keeps falling into his own mind." Eiji said. "Falling to his own mind?" Tsuzuki asked. "His eyes often go blank as if he fell into another world." Eiji explained.  
  
Just then, Watari emerged from Hisoka's room rubbing the ends of his nose bridge before placing his glasses back. "Watari! How's Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked as he ran towards Watari with Eiji at his heels. "Not good. He's not been eating and dehydrated. He's not been able to sleep that caused low blood pressure. It would take weeks for him to recover even for a Shinigami. And there's something else." Watari hesitated but Tsuzuki grasped his arm tightly. "What?" Tsuzuki asked. Watari glanced at his friend unable to decide. Then he saw those eyes filled with great concern for Hisoka. He sighed. "Hisoka is right now in a psychological problem. He was unable to bear a certain pain that he fell under it. I cannot help him." Watari bowed his head as Tsuzuki looked at him with disbelief. Then realization dawned at Tsuzuki. Flashbacks of what happened a year before appeared in his mind. Hisoka's eyes that were filled with suffering. The tears that he tried to hide. The sadness on his face barely concealed. And he was unaware of all what is happening to Hisoka. "I gotta go." Tsuzuki said as he hurried out the door. He felt that the guilt was suffocating him.  
  
He reached the city and walking without any direction. He wasn't aware of the people around him, all he could think about was Hisoka. He has been so stupid. He broke his friendship with him just because of Muraki. He forgot that Muraki has been the cause of his death. He was so insensitive. He left him in times of need and he broke his promise that he would never leave him and would always protect him. He continued walking until he reached the sakura tree where he last talked with Hisoka alone and it was a year ago. It was so casual and Hisoka was stoic as usual but Tsuzuki still felt his love . Tsuzuki realized that he missed talking with Hisoka. His blushes and how he hated to show his feelings. Tsuzuki cried as he slumped against the tree. How can he face Hisoka again?  
  
Muraki was walking back home when he saw Tsuzuki sitting under the sakura tree. He smiled as he was reminded by something. He noticed that he was crying that resulted to a wider smiled. "How cute." Muraki thought as he approached Tsuzuki. Putting on the mask of an angel, he gently placed a hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder. He looked up at him, his violet eyes sparkling with tears. Muraki sat beside him and wrapped an arm around Tsuzuki's shoulders. "What's the matter?" he asked. Tears started again to fill those magnificent eyes. Tsuzuki threw himself at Muraki's shoulders and cried. "It's-it's my.fault," he sobbed. "Why? What happened?" Muraki asked gently. Tsuzuki drew a deep shaking breath. "H-hisoka is sick and it was all my fault." Tsuzuki said. "I-I think it was because I said that I like being with you." He continued his voice filled with pain. "It's not your fault. Hisoka was just being too sensitive but he should not limit you to himself alone. You have the right to be friends with everyone." Muraki said as he stroked Tuszuki's back. "B-but." "Shhh. It's not your fault and I know Hisoka would be well. Right?" Muraki asked looking at Tsuzuki, smiling. Tsuzuki hesitated a little but smiled faintly. Muraki hugged him again and rocked him back and forth. "He'd be lucky to survive but soon he will face again the death." Muraki thought hiding a smile.  
  
Sorry if I'm letting this fic longer. 


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